Reverend Kris Miller

Each wedding ceremony I officiate is different, reflecting the couple's desires and beliefs.
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Please see the Unity Ceremonies page under Creating Your Ceremony if you are looking for ideas to incorporate Handfasting into a wedding ceremony. This page is for couples who want their entire ceremony to be a Handfasting (no license or legal standing) or a Handfasting Wedding (with license and legal).
 
An excellent resource for handfasting ceremony ideas is the book Inviting Hera's Blessing-Handfasting and Wedding Rituals by Raven Kildera and Tannin Schwartzstein. This book contains ceremonies that are far more pagan than the simple ceremony below and was recommended to me a few years ago by a groom's father. 
 
A true handfasting is a promised commitment for a year and a day. Because there is no license, it is not a marriage and has no legal standing in NY. I have however officiated Handfasting Wedding Ceremonies with a marriage license. These do have legal standing as they meet the State requirements.  


                        Gail and Aleks were married in a sunset ceremony at a private residence.
 
 
Sample Simple Handfasting for a Year and a Day

We are gathered here to witness the Handfasting of ( ) and ( ). They wish to express their appreciation to each and every one here, not only for your presence today but for the many ways you have supported and loved them over time. With this Handfasting they make public their love and commitment and agree to live together for a year and a day.

You have each been given a stone to hold throughout this ceremony. Please send the stones positive and loving energy. The couple will keep them in a sacred place and will always be grounded with this loving energy. We will collect these stones as well as the good wishes you send them at the closing of the ceremony.

We will now light the candles honoring the elements and the directions. (these can be lit by the couple, the officiant or others)

The yellow candle represents the East, home of the rising Sun and the element of Air. This is the place of new beginnings, intelligence and learning.

The red candle represents the South, heat of the sun and the element of Fire. This is the place of movement and passion.

The blue candle represents the West, the coolness of twilight and the element of Water. This is the place of emotion and intuition.

The green candle represents the North, the time of planting, nurturing and rest and the element of Earth. This is the place of growth and abundance.

The white candle represents Spirit, Mother Earth, Father Sky, the God and the Goddess and All That Is. This is the place that is not a place, yet is every place.

( ) and ( ) is it your intent to live together in harmony and love? It is

Is it your intent to honor each other, to allow the other to grow? It is

Is it your intent to provide loving support, yet not hold each other up or hold each other back? It is

Is it your intent to not expect perfection in each other, but to accept that as humans we sometimes struggle as we learn life’s lessons? It is

Then join your right hands, then join your left. Note that you have made the infinity symbol for love has no beginning and has no end. Speak your promises of love to each other.

I promise to have an open heart and an open mind. I promise to love you as you are and to honor your path. I promise to love you and to be faithful for a year and a day.

(Officiant then takes the cord and wraps around one persons left hand and the other persons right. As she does so she explains the significance of the color(s) selected by the couple. The color interpretations can be your personal ones, but here are a few suggestions: Red represents a passion for life, physical energy and health. Orange shows sweetness, trust, and creativity. With yellow you bring in respect, personal power and spontaneity. Compassion, unconditional love, and balance are represented by green. Blue is the color of communication, contentedness, harmony and self expression.

With Indigo you bring in intuition, wisdom, emotional intelligence and charisma. Violet represents peace, spirituality and selflessness. White is the color of purity and a connection with a Higher Power, God, Divine and Spirit.)

At this time, we will collect the stones. As you place your stone in the basket, please call out a wish you have for this couple. For example you may wish them love, happiness, abundance, compassion, understanding, good health or whatever else comes to your mind. Speak it loudly so that it may manifest. Do not worry if someone has already expressed the gift you wish to give them. They may receive these glorious gifts many times over

( ) and ( ) you are now not only joined in love, but also in commitment. You have the blessings of friends and family. May your days together be filled with joy, adventure and peace. Blessings to you as you kiss!
 
Sample Handfasting Wedding Ceremony with Marriage License
 
We are gathered here today to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love, and to add our best wishes to the words which shall unite _______and _________ in marriage. The family and close friends who are present today have supported and blessed_______and _________ in many, many different ways. For that, the bride and groom express their deepest gratitude. With the horizon our only walls, the sky our only ceiling and the earth our floor, we meet here in nature to affirm their love.
 
_______and _________ have chosen to incorporate the ancient Celtic ritual of Handfasting into their wedding ceremony today. Traditionally, it was performed by a priest or priestess, who would invoke the energies of the four natural elements and directions to create a sacred circle in which the couple could be joined as embodiments of god and goddess. The cloth that binds their hands was usually the tartan plaid, representing the clan or family group. One of the things we like about handfasting is that it is also a declaration of intent, where the couple clearly states that they are marrying of their own free will.

_______and _________, know now before you go further, that since your lives have crossed in this life, you have formed eternal and sacred bonds. As you seek to enter this state of matrimony you should strive to make real the ideals that to you, give meaning this ceremony and to the institution of marriage.

With full awareness, know that within this circle you are not only declaring your intent to be married before your friends and family, but you speak that intent also to your creative higher powers. The promises made today and the ties that are bound here greatly strengthen your union and will cross the years and lives of each soul's growth.
Do you still seek to enter this ceremony? Yes.
 
In many cultures it is believed that the human soul shares characteristics with all things divine. It is this belief which assigned virtues to the four cardinal directions; East, South, West and North. It is according to this belief that we align ourselves with these elements.

Each of these blessings from the four cardinal directions emphasizes those things which will help you build a happy and successful union.

Blessed be this union with the gifts of the East and the element of Air, for openness and breath, communication of the heart, and purity of the mind and body. From the east you receive the gift of a new beginning with the rising of each Sun, and the understanding that each day is a new opportunity for growth.
 
Blessed be this union with the gifts of the South and the element of fire, for energy, passion, creativity and the warmth of a loving home. From the fire within you generate light, which you will share with one another in even the darkest of times.

Blessed be this union with the gifts of the West, the element of water, for your capacity to feel emotion. In marriage you offer absolute trust to one another, and vow to keep your hearts open in sorrow as well as joy.
 
Blessed be this union with the gifts of the North, the element of earth, which provides sustenance, fertility and security. The earth will feed and enrich you, and help you to build a stable home to which you may always return.
 
_______and _________, Take hands both of you. I bid you look into each others eyes.
Will you honor and respect one another, and seek to never break that honor?
We will [the first cord is draped over the couples' hands]
And so the first binding is made.
Will you share each other's pain and seek to ease it?
We will [Second cord is draped over the hands]
And so the binding is made
Will you share the burdens of each so that your spirits may grow in this union?
We will [third cord is draped over the couples' hands]
And so the binding is made.

Will you share each other's laughter, and look for the brightness in life
and the positive in each other?
We will. [fourth cord is draped over the couples' hands]
And so the binding is made.

_______, do you take ____ to be your wedded husband/wife to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love him/her, comfort him/her, honor and keep him/her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him/her so long as you both shall live? “ I do” Then please place the ring you have for your bride/groom on /his her hand. (You may add your own vows here.)
 
_______, do you take ____ to be your wedded husband/wife to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love him/her, comfort him/her, honor and keep him/her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him/her so long as you both shall live? “ I do” Then please place the ring you have for your bride/groom on /his her hand. (You may add your own vows here.)

All things turn in circles and have a cycle. The Earth spins in a circle and turns round the sun. Time and the seasons turn in circles. Like all things, marriages move in cycles as well. There will be moments of rest, moments of growth and moments of passion and moments of challenges. For each day hereafter, as you look at your these hands, yours and those of your partner, your will see your wedding bands. Let these circles be a reminder to you that all things come around and that by sharing this cycle, you can multiply the joys and lessen the sorrows.

[Tie cords together]
_______and _________, your hands are bound together now, and you have exchanged vows and rings. Your lives and spirits are joined in a union of love and trust. Above you are the stars and below you is the earth. Like the stars your love should be a constant source of light, and like the earth, a firm foundation from which to grow.
_______and _________ take with you this Apache blessing

“Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves.

When frustration, difficulties and fear assail your relationship, as they threaten all relationships at one time or another, remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong.

In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives --remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there.
And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.

I now pronounce you husband/wife and wife/husband. You may kiss.