The following reading makes a beautiful prelude to your vows.
Union by Robert Fulghum (modified)
You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks - all those sentences that began with “When we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will”- those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe”- and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “ You know all those things we’ve promised and hoped and dreamed- well, I meant it all, every word.” Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another- acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this- is my (complete as appropriate for couple), this- is my (complete as appropriate for couple).
Your wedding vows are the most personal and important part of your ceremony. It is the opportunity for you to express your commitment to each other in a way that is uniquely yours. I have had couples write their own vows, choose from the selections below, or use those they have found in the multitude of books and internet resources about weddings. One couple I know chose verses from greeting cards they saved during their courtship. Another wrote ten reasons why they loved each other and promises they were making to each other. Couples have said the same vows to each other, said different things to each other or said their vows together at the same time.
I have provided a few examples of vows below, but one of my favorites was written by a couple and included in the book Handfasting and Wedding Rituals by Raven Kaldera and Tanin Schwartzstein. It goes as follows: I wish to join my life with yours, to stand by your side and sleep in your arms, to be joy to your heart and food to your soul, to work as partners and live as family while we grow old together. I vow to love, honor and respect you. To hold you in my heart, but not bind you to my will. I promise to listen carefully and to speak the truth To stay with you throughout life’s struggles and pleasures all the days of my life. Will you accept me and all that I am? I will."
While I do not know this couple, I sense that these vows beautifully express their love and commitment as well as their concept of relationship. I encourage you to give the selection or creation of vows some time and attention.
SAMPLE VOWS
Shown below are a few sample wedding vows. I can also work with you to create your own. If there is something you want to express and can't seem to find the right words, let me know. Please note the law states you must say you take each other as husband/wife (not sure yet how the law will be worded for same sex marriages). If you choose vows that you do state this, you may say it in the expression of intent or when you exchange rings.
I ________________ take you____________ to be my (wife/husband/spouse) to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, or for poorer, in sickness and in health. I further promise to love you and cherish you, and be faithful to you for as long as we both shall live.
I, __________, take you_________ to be my (wife/husband/spouse). I know in my heart that you will be a faithful friend, and a loving companion. Today in the presence of God, our relatives, and our friends as witnesses, I give to you my sacred vow that as your (wife/husband I will always be with you and support you in times of sickness and health and in times of joy or sorrow.
I promise to love you completely, to comfort you during difficult times and to encourage you to achieve your full potential. I will laugh with you and grieve with you. I will share with you life's simplest but most enduring pleasures. I will be truthful and honest with you and cherish you for as long as we both shall live. (Somewhere else in the ceremony you will state that you takes each other as your spouse.)
I________ take you ___________, to be my (wife/husband/spouse), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
I_________, take you ____________ to be my (husband/wife/spouse), my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.
In the presence of God and these our friends I take thee to be my husband/wife/spouse, promising with Divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful (husband/wife/spouse) so long as we both shall live.
__________I promise to be the right partner. To accept your humanity as well as mine. To support you when you need it and to give you your space when that is your desire. To listen always with an open heart and open mind. To discuss whatever problems we may encounter so that we may work together to resolve them. To love you unconditionally no matter what.(Somewhere else in the ceremony you will state that you takes each other as your spouse.)